072516 and 072616

7/25
5×45 hang clean
2x5x45 squat
2x5x45 press
7×45 press
3x10x20 arm row
3×10 lateral plank walk
10×10,15,20 side raise
3×10 bridge

7/26
6×45 hang clean
2x5x45 squat
5×45 bench
5×65 bench
5×75 bench
7,6,5×65 bench
2x10x20s in each hand, step up onto treadmill – each side
3×10 bridge on bench
2×10 lunges – no weight, but stressed my knee

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072126

Falling off the wagon is not so much falling off as throwing myself off a cliff – at least when it comes to me. I have not exercised today, and I’ve eaten so much, and so poorly yesterday and today that my stomach is still distended. I binge eat. I have a problem. I hope acknowledging that is the first step?

071616

7 minutes on treadmill
2x5x45 squat
5×95 deadlift
5×105 deadlift
3x5x115 deadlift
3×10 lateral plank walk
1x10x10 side arm raises
4x10x20 side arm raises

The title for this blog is more appropriate than I had anticipated. Initially, it was a nod to my weightlifting and college graduation. Hurray, I’m an adult! Now, it’s a call for accountability and action: I am old enough to accept the consequences of my decisions and make choices to set myself up for success. It’s on me.

Worries

I have never been more out of shape, heavier, or more unhappy with my body. It’s a strange feeling, to feel like there’s this piece of you (in my case, a tire around my waist) that you absolutely hate. I feel tortured by it, depressed by it, and that feeling interrupts my thoughts constantly.

This thinking doesn’t do me any favors – I know this. The negativity and stress only makes it harder for me to lose the weight. The negativity and stress only causes me to eat more sweets. It’s a cycle I know I need to break, but it’s the path forward, the way to move my thoughts beyond my present self-consciousness to my future health, that eludes me.

I am 5’6″ and 139 pounds. This is not huge, but it’s definitely not me. I’m used to a ballerina or weightlifter’s body – a supple, muscular and capable tool I can use for whatever suits my whims. I’ve never been athletic in the sports sense, but I was lithe and strong and flexible, and I miss that.

It’s only been a year, so I know I can get back there. A combination of a torn ACL, crazy work hours, patellar tendinitis and a long distance relationship brought me to this place. I know myself, and I know I don’t do well without committing to something.

So here’s my pledge:

I will write here each day, instead of eating shit. This will serve as a stress relief. If I do eat poorly, I will write about that, too.

I will get SOME FORM of exercise every day. I don’t need to lift every day or run every day, but I will move every day, even if that means walking with Frankie for an hour.

I will socialize with friends at least once a week. This helps me not get too depressed or introverted, which leads to my binge eating in my apartment.

I will look forward to moving back in with Emile as a motivation to look good, but absolutely not an excuse to wait on making changes.