One Step

Obviously, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted, although it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve started several posts – about strength and resilience, about job-hunting, about fulfillment. None of them has seemed quite finished or on target, and I’m (justifiably) self-conscious about what I put on the internet for the world to see.

But tonight, I think I have something worth saying.

My previous attempts at posting in the past few months have come from a place of frustration. I had been looking for a new job, discontent in my current one, and more than a little panicky about my future. Quarter-life crisis, you might say. But I now have a new job, albeit part-time, and my concierge team still appreciates me and wants me to stay there. I am working a lot, feeling valued, and progressing toward something more in line with my career aspirations. It’s a very gratifying feeling to know that your effort is noticed – and to know that you can impress upon others that, given an opportunity and time, you will be valuable. That’s what I told my new boss in my interview, and apparently, I convinced her.

Now I just have to prove it.

I believe in the power of self-confidence, belief, and willpower. If I truly set my mind to something, I can achieve it. My problem is not understanding that concept, it’s following through. Usually my mind changes, I lose enthusiasm, or my definition of success is ill-defined. It’s hard to reach a goal if you didn’t actually state what your goal was – and that’s my modus operandi. That’s how I’ve always operated, and I’ve done quite well, all things considered. But when I have fallen short of my own expectations, the fault generally lies at my own feet. I didn’t set out to reach something real or attainable, and I didn’t create a plan to get it.

I’m reading The Power of Habit right now – a worthwhile read, if you get the chance. The premise is that we use habits, consciously or unconsciously, to make our lives manageable. Many of our choices are turned into habits, removing the thought process from those actions so we do them automatically. They are then reinforced, over and over and over again, into a cycle very difficult to change.

Obviously, it goes into a lot more detail, but you get my point: habits are important, and once they are made, it is hard to unmake them.

So, as a challenge to myself, I am going to try to start replacing my bad habits with good ones. I believe that ever so slowly, I can form habits that make it easier for me to do what I want to do.

More to come.